Can't Sleep

the tortures of the mind plague me tonite. no job, no money, my art is fading due to stress. it feels like my thesis all over again, well almost... at least then i had a high paying job.i was also happier than ever with my art and work, looks like that party is well over and done with.

my credit is wack due to defaulting student loans. the loans, as i was told by sallie mae services, are what is causing me to be less than valuable in the work force for hiring and yet they still crawl up my ass for $700/month payments.

the love of my life has an incurable lung disease, that of which doctors have no treatment for. i am being looked down upon for trying to take care of her and ease the stress of not being able to breathe correctly, how the fuck is that a bad thing again? i was raised to be honorable to my family and loved ones, so i cant get even a job at mcd's, at least i'm here for my loved ones no matter what.

i always thought that real happiness in life were the simple things;the smell of flowers freshly budding in the spring. the twinkle in a lovers eye when they see you in the morning as they awake. but not in today's society, heavens no. in the new world money and credit reign supreme. gone are the days of simple happiness and to that i say FUCK YOU.

i love who i am and what i do. i love the little things, and if i happen to piss people off for it then so be it. shame that the whole world cant feel the same.

now i'm not seeking pity, just advise. if there is anyone out there who is reading this i need advise, i need help...i need sleep.

Finally back on this, been an insane few years since I've been on. expect more posts as i continue to figure this out all over again.

...until then...

wow

well its beenalmost one full year since my fateful release form AAC, no bitterness towards them anymore, only financial turmoil thanx again guys. so new new on the homefront, moved back up to cleveland, workin with dad now making it by on what little pay i can get. but at least i am alive and well, and healthy again. i''ve put on almost 40 lbs since i left school, making it back to my normal 160 range! woot!

there has been a dormant creative block in my life, but that is moving to the wayside now, slowly but surely. i iwll post images as soon as i finish!

until then...

Wow...

I didn't realize it had been so long since i posted but, i have returned!!! been working and reflecting. drawing new tattoo designs, rehashing old ones, including previously mentioned thesis work. 2 days away from what was to be one of the best days of my life and i will be working, not able to see my family until june maybe and still in debt. I live though so there is no sorrow only brighter futures and more colorful dreams.

been stuck playing too many videogames lately too, now that i have the time that is, especially GTA 4. probably the best game i've played in a long time, if ya don't believe me just check the reviews or pick up a copy for yourself and see what i mean. so realistic you WANT to FOLLOW THE RULES of life and law, but alas the RPGs fly and there goes your wanted level.

anyways, hit up my cell if ya wanna chat or look for me online in Liberty City, my psn is eyesofreality i start my day on top of the Get a Life building with a sniper rifle in hand dressed in all black, decimating those who test my patience.
until then...

No Worries...No Regrets...

... only happiness and good health await me. yea Smitty the light could be a freight train but in this situation it isn't. i actually feel good that i am not there, my health is coming back to par, slowly, and my work is beginning to have more meaning as i go. there has been deviation from my thesis although the imagery is similar... just executed in a more appropriate manner. i will post some pics as i finish.

to clarify the air, since some of you want personal emails, i figured i'd just openly state the facts here.

Thesis Panel said i should drop tutorial, which would cease my show and thusly not allow me to receive my diploma, which was the goal here, not the work now that i think about it. me being hard headed, physically and mentally ill(according to my doctors) and thusly being financially ruined from loans to pay school, have really helped me decide to walk away completely.yea i invested the time and money but that doesn't matter, money should NEVER matter when it comes to ones self. all that i am concerned about is my own well being, be that physical or mental, i am just drained from my thesis work both on the paper and in the work itself. I am planning on trying to get this work up in a gallery once it is completed, but that is still some time away, seeing as i now have the time and energy to execute to my fullest potential.

my thanks go out to those who have expressed their thoughts and well wishes, wether it be here or in email.
I hope that all of you are doing well with your own work, and i will try to make it out to each of the openings and show my support, especially Resolution Revolution their show is going to be great, as are the others respectively.

only 2 months guys, only 2 months... keep those heads up!!!

...until then...

Well now its finally happened...

... although not yet official,I am being asked to step down from my ranks at the prestigious Art Academy of Cincinnati. well i suppose that this does in fact make me want to go and cry to mommy but i think i will live.
I would like to sincerely apologize to my thesis group for departing so far along into the planning, i will still be there to support the group opening day, i just wish i was there to share in the final sigh of relief when it is all said and done.
to the faculty and staff...you should already know how i feel and i hope it haunts you to know that you robbed a kid of his dreams 33 days before they came to realization.
I hope you all are doing well with your work.
May the light at the end of the tunnel be the beginnings for you all, as it now is for me.
...until then...

i need a new good computer

one that is compatable with my 37"tv it has a pc in plug but i dunno how to do all of that. my comp just crashed during saving of my chest color piece, officially corrupting it the night before it is gettin put on crit watch for tutorial. i will be up for the duration of the night trying to redo what was lost, which was a shitton.
hope all goes well with you guys and your work!